Really Bad Casinos  - the worst casinos on the internet

In the past seven or so years, as I have journeyed optimistically across the barren wasteland that is the internet in search of new places to gamble, I have come across some really bad casinos.  Casino managers with the IQ of a turnip, casinos that look like they have been designed on an Etch a Sketch and marketing managers who make Ronald McDonald look like Einstein, over the years I have seen and probably played at them all.  It is with this in mind, and my tongue in cheek that I am going to take you on a little tour - around the very worst places to gamble online.

1CNP
Not many casinos have the distinction of being able to fulfill the most crappest of criteria, but 1CNP - also known as 1 Click and Play scrape the bottom of the barrel with distinction. Certainly it looks like it has been designed on an Etch a Sketch, and it certainly comes from an area of the web that technology seems to have forgotten. Maybe html casinos were all the rage in 1904, but it is now 2006 and 1cnp looks - well crap.

Not only is it crap with a capital C my friends, but 1Click and Play is also benter than a nine bob note.  They offer a gift of $101 on every single deposit you make - are the alarm bells ringing yet - but you will find that in order to cash out you will have to play an ever increasingly ridiculous number of hands - somewhere around the same number as it is in miles between here and the Sun.  I if you have the desire to send them any money whatsoever - dont - send it to me instead - I will spend it on an alcohol fueled weekend and will not only provide you with much better value for money - my entertainment value would far outweigh any that 1CNP can provide.

In short - they take s**t to a whole new level

Casino Partouche/Casino 770
Ok, it is well known that the English and the French have never exactly got on - we call em the frogs and in return they call us les ros bifs - which translated actually means the roast beefs - an insult indeed (huh????)  Over the years they have perpetrated some terrible crimes against us - Sacha Distel and Charles Aznavour spring to mind, but really what have we done to deserve the dreadful offering that is Casino Partouche.
The login script is temperamental, and on the rare occasions it does let you into the inner sanctum, you may wish it never had.  The Joker in Joker Poker seem to have taken a leave of absence, and I managed to play a full 37 hands - drawing five cards each time before he even made an appearance.  The Jack Hot Scratchcard seems to be totally confused - click on buy a 2 euro ticket and it will charge you three euros.  It will then take around an hour to scratch off all the little silver bits - if like me you have to do it all... I could go on but I wont.  The most fun I got from this site was reading the translations. 
Maybe I shouldnt be so cruel - after all they are trying so hard - so I shall leave the last word to them - from their website "By gambling on any real money website, you run the risk that you may lose money or suffer psychologicial injuries" Im scarred for life...

Fortune Beach
Any casino which proudly displays a banner offering you the chance to purchase your own online casino for just $10 is bound to be a candidate for the stupidest casino of the year award. Another award the casino is in line for has to be the stupidest casino game name contest - what the hell is a Gold Leprikon, or a Crazy Guttler.  Mercifully the casino is not likely to catch on - not only are the games notoriously difficult to load, but the casino only accepts gold as a deposit method.  Unfortunately the delusional webmaster who designed the site also has a sense of humour - the casino declares itself the best online internet gambling site.  Hmmmm